I was going to title this post: "I Must be a Pompous Moron". But I opted for a more theoretical title, because I actually am becoming more and more aware of my emotional states. And therefore pretty good at coping with them. However that doesn't mean that I'm always in control.
In fact, the one, major emotion that still rears its ugly head, and I do mean ugly, is belligerence.
When I was young, that emotion erupted so regularly that I figured it was just part of my DNA. But as I grew older and wiser, these occurrences reduced exponentially, to the point of near extinction.
But this morning, while on a call with some business colleagues, my belligerence came for a visit. Let's call him Bob.
After the call, I asked Bob, "Why are you here? What's up, dude?"
And Bob, replied, "Because pompous stupidity always infuriates you!"
On the call this morning with my colleagues there was a lot of pompous idiocy.
I realized that, given that I believe anger = hypocrisy, I must be pompously stupid myself — at least I must be that often enough to trigger my belligerence, or send an invitation to Bob.
Obviously, if I wasn't ever pompously stupid myself, I would never get irrationally angry when encountering it in other people.
Lately, I've been thinking about "winning" versus "losing". My thoughts on this share the same dynamic as this post: spotting "losing" behavior in colleagues and loved ones, can bring out belligerence in myself.
And yet, because I am now more aware of this dynamic, I am finding that I am slowly learning not to react so strongly, if at all.
Which is all to the good. I think that I am actually growing up. Finally! But when I am naturally being stupid from time to time — as all of us imperfect humans can be — I hope at least be acting humbly stupid, not pompously stupid.
What a great day this is: liberated from my own stupidity.